Coffee Novelist

I don’t write about coffee, I write about what coffee does. How it collects us, unites us and affects us.

I will then let the first few versions of the novel tell me what it wants me to do from there.” -me

If you leave comments in comment boxes then read on. I recently left a few lines in the comment box of a writer’s post. See above. The post itself explored the author’s method and how she created her stories. I replied because I identified with her method of starting out using handwritten drafts. I ended up leaving a comment on my method of rewriting, revising and sharpening my works of fiction. I hoped my reply made sense. A week or so later, I am afraid it didn’t. So, I have an example of what I meant below. Not that anyone cares be me, but let me explain.

I wrote, or actually typed, the core of both passages over two decades ago. It was no until several year ago that I picked those pages up again and took up revising all of Back outta the World. Maybe distance and detachment are elements that help a writer to figure out their work. I sometimes think working to get something done by a certain time can be harmful to the creative process. Then again, I may be overcompensating by taking a two decade hiatus between rewrites. That being said, I was then able to see these two passages as companions, even though originally they were just episodes written based on the notes I took on an old legal pad. Why were they there? Was it actually random? The novel was always meant to be called Back outta the World. Did I subconsciously compare and contrast both type of balls to be like the world, like a globe, at the very least? I honestly do not know. What I do know is that I have attempted to do just that during this last pass on the manuscript as I saw the connection between the world in Back outta the World, the two types of balls (globes, worlds) and Jay’s choice to try to avoid both by hitting the road. That is what I mean by letting the novel tell me what to write. I left excerpts to help clarify. If you care to comment please do. But, I think subconsciously, I wrote this post mainly for me.

BeachBall.jpg

BotW Excerpt  –    The “coconut” shaped pool was filled only half way with murky water. The pool itself was not ready for swimming and the water was likely put there to test the pumps, drains and filters.  Someone from the construction crew working on the place must have found a beach ball and thrown it on top of the water.  The ball glided randomly and slowly across the water, eased along by whatever air movement was in the Sun Dome.  The Dome itself was complete, sealing off the chilly Midwest evening.  About a dozen tall palms trees installed and planted in pots were positioned around the pool. Set back a bit from the pool sat a small tropical themed bar. It had a green grass skirt draped around it, fake bamboo shelves backed it up, not yet filled by bottles. All the poolside tables had large umbrellas over them for protection from the sun or glare from the dome, or both.  Other fixtures, chairs and still empty pool towel racks had the look of something meant to withstand the splash of water and beating of the sun. Everything was new. Near the main entrance, several large crates still sat unopened.  The stairs leading the actual rooms overlooking the pool were roped off.  Two large decorative fountains stood awaiting water to animate them.  The Sun Dome was anticipating holding the future noises of kids splashing and running and parents telling them to stop.

Excerpt number 2  A stew of events, some of his making, some not, had pushed him out of his world.  Was that it? He didn’t recall signing on the dotted line. Was he running to or away from something? Too late now. Jay took off on this trip regardless, undercover now of the trees and night. He was the one who was wronged. He had to do what he did, simply had no choice.  The past ran in his veins and thoughts now.  A little ways back to the draft dodger who had surely slept in the lodge. They took him farther back to his childhood front yard and a game of war with his neighborhood friends. Was this where the trip really started? No longer are there the trees and this road out of the van’s windshield, but his front yard and youth. There he is, in the right, doing the right thing by yelling at his friend, Mike. Mike the strongest of his friends and the only one left in the game besides Jay. He had the ball and wouldn’t throw it. He held it there, across the imaginary line of separation between the opposing teams’ turf. Jay is yelling at him that the game cannot end like this. One of them has to be put out, to be hit by the ball. The ball was the world to them both there on the front lawn in a summer afternoon.  Still Mike stood back against the fence smiling stupidly. Finally, in anger and rightness, he, Jay, walked up to the imaginary line and dared Mike to throw the kickball at him. Point blank. The rest of our friends watch. Now in my driving mind, I see the kickball smash my nose, snapping my neck back and blood splatter my face and white T-shirt. I see the kickball now, its odd deep purple color, rotating in slow motion like a spun globe, set in motion by its impact on my face, somehow landing in my arms. I catch it, winning the game. I clutch it in the basket of my thin brown arms, convinced that I was right.

Almost forgot to embed

May I help who’s next?”

Writing is mostly rewriting

As promised, I am attempting to keep this blog as current as possible on the progress I’m making on my second novel, the spiritual prequel to Tripio, called Back outta the World. The novel’s title is taken from the  song  by Terry Allen. No song lyrics actually appear in the novel however I feel they capture what I believe to be a similar spirit or energy found in the pages of BotW.

I posted this in early January, 2020. Since then I have learned two things. The first one is how to link a song into a post. More importantly,  I also realized that I was not done writing Back Outta the World. I did not find an editor.  In short I am back to Back outta the World again. Hey, don’t say your sorry because I have enjoyed this pass even more. Which means the rest of this post resonates even more.

A good thing it is also fun

There are passages in the Back outta the World that I enjoy tremendously. In reviewing, revising and enhancing those passages, I believe that I am making Back outta the World a better experience, a better product if you will, for all future readers.

For example, I must have been temporarily visited by genius when I revised the section where Jay and his friend Kyle visit a casino in the UP. Here, I compare the green velvet covering the poker and pool tables they are visiting that night to the green of the grass of the yards that Jay and Kyle played on as kids. Kyle is Jay’s security blanket. Jay is having doubts about the purpose of the current road trip and the future he sees beyond that.  Kyle is not a wonderful person, however Jay finds comfort and reassurance in his presence. Unfortunately, Kyle’s presence doesn’t help in this part of the novel, as the old friends are about to get tossed out of the casino.

Poker Table - Texas Holdem Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free) 9983510  | Shutterstock

Back outta the World bit

Botw ExcerptThis fake green table was just another yard to play on.  Just like the pool table. Jay was free to play here too. His own game though, not controlled by the clicking chips.   He had left his world and traveled good ways to meet up with his oldest friend and they were now together at a casino in the Upper Peninsula. Not that this casino even mattered.  The forms had all of Jay’s chips but they had been here before him and would be here after Kyle and he left.  Jay and Kyle had their friendship and the lasting historic strength that it gave them both.  The dealing continued. Jay and Kyle made more jokes among themselves.

One wordless form got up from the table. Jay no longer wanted a seat at this table. Jay and Kyle didn’t need plastic, clicking chips telling them how to have fun. Their secret, shared history was revealed to the other forms by way of their jokes and loud laughter.  This was now their yard, their green playground. The players of the other game in their yard became less important. They had no idea how to play the new game in Jay and Kyle’s yard. They didn’t get the point. Now was a moment in the history of the two’s friendship and who cares if it were in front of a table or even an entire casino full of wordless strangers? 

Kyle and Jay weren’t here to break any of their rules, just to play by their own, as far as Jay could reason.  These forms were taking the plastic, clinking chips too seriously, or just doing what they were told by them. Either way, Jay and Kyle were laughing and playing a fun game.  So, when two very large and very silent  uniformed men arrived and stood between Jay  and Kyle, they knew what to do. Their game was over. Time to go home for dinner.  This time, Jay was a couple steps ahead of Kyle, as they turned away from the green table and left the other players to return to their own game.

 

“There is a peasant in every novelist”- F. Scott Fitzgerald

As I said, I now really like that bit in the book as revised time and time again. The problem is that, as of this morning, there is no way of knowing if I improved that passage in Back outta the World one little bit. The attainment of external validation for a novelist is a slow process, if it ever arrives at all. It is more a “feel” or a “sense” that you have made any given sentence or paragraph contain something worth reading. Luckily,  I have two coffee makers, espresso machine and drip, to help get me through.  As a result, after I finish this post and cup of coffee, I am going to spend an hour or so writing and re-writing Back outta the World.

I placed the quote above in this post because it applies directly to working on a novel. One has to work the soil everyday, as a peasant would. However, It doesn’t matter a hell of a lot what I think about what I did yesterday, or last year. If I don’t work the earth today, no one one eats tomorrow. A bit dramatic I know, but you get the point.

 

May I help who’s next?

 

 “Always perform your duty efficiently and without attachment to the results, because by doing work without attachment one attains the Supreme.” – Bhagavad Gita

It is a Monday morning. In the interest of full disclosure, I had scheduled this to be an off day so I have the day off from my job. Last week was a long week at work which is not news to anyone. Read on and I promise this post will get a bit more incisive. It had been since New Year’s Day that I had any extra time off. I don’t get sick. That blessing is even more appreciated in these times. I get up and go to work. It is what I do. It is what I did while helping to support four kids for over two decades. I did that before those days. That trend continued so far this year and I hadn’t needed a sick day. But I needed “a day.”

So Thursday when I received a text from my daughter saying she was coming home for the upcoming weekend, I was quite happy. She and I would now have be able to spend the weekend together without me going through the machinations ones goes through to get ready for the work week. One thing she and I did was explore the new and nearby Bottleworks district and go to a movie. Masks on the entire time, we saw ‘Nomandland”. I saw the film in many ways to be about work, working for a paycheck and what happens when the work you’ve known disappears for good.

Starting the work week

During Nomadland my mind went back to few minutes earlier that day when I was clearly not working. I was on the couch channel surfing and stopped at Remains of the Day. There was the lovely of Emma Thompson, a gifted thespian. Yet, I fancied her comedy talents from the series form way back called Alfresco. I stopped surfing just as Emma left the screen and waited for her to return. I have never read the book nor seen the entire movie so I had no idea when Emma would return to me. The next scenes involved an old servant at the estate where Emma worked who was close to getting sacked. Anthony Hopkins who was in charge of the estate, had reassigned the old servant to a different role and was explaining the specifics to him. The old servant had worked there 52 years. He got the purpose of the new tasks and before Anthony Hopkins had finished explaining everything. He then turned and pushed his cleaning cart off in the direction of the brass door handles he was tasked with shining. I sat up straight and thought, “Damn! That’s me.

The remains of me

The physical act of pushing something to get to somewhere to do something closely resembles what I do for a living. It is not glamorous but it pays the bills. Like me, the old house servant went straight to work. Got to get to work. It is what he does. It is what I, and nearly all of us, do. Obviously, Remains was not written with me in mind. The scene itself may not be the guts of the film or book. This particular scene spoke to me. The movie was not made about me. But it and Nomadland, got me thinking about why I was working this morning, when I was not at work.

See the source image

There are a lot of reasons and motivations why I work on the books and this blog morning after morning. I can’ deny that one powerful one is to create a revenue stream against the time when no else sees value in my work at work. I have experienced the work world as random, arbitrary, and unforgiving. This has not been the case everywhere but it has scarred me. I have been downsized, let go, laid off. Me, who gets up and goes to work because, like the old house servant, it is what I fucking do. So for some years now, I have decided to put my faith in myself and spend as much time as I can reasonably spend creating a revenue stream that only I can control. I can not downsize myself, I can’t eliminate myself from the org chart, I can’t find a younger me to replace myself. I can’t be remotely sure that any measurable amount of revenue will ever come from all this. However, I will gladly take that deal. Because you can bet your ass that sure as the next day dawns, and the one after that and all the ones I am around to experience, that I will, if I chose, go to work at it.

Makes sense to me.

“May I help who’s next?”

As promised, I am attempting to keep this blog as current as possible on the progress I’m making on my second novel, the prequel to Tripio, Back outta the World. I am slogging through my fourth, I believe, rewrite. This will be the final time for me to work on it alone. Once this is done, I will find an editor and we will work together.

Disclaimer follows – Well, was I wrong. I posted this in early January, 2020. Since then I have learned two things. The first one is how to embed a song on a post. I may embed the song every time I post about BotW over the coming year. Then again, we both may bet sick of it. Let me know. The second thing learned since the original post is that I was not done with Back Outta the World. I did not find an editor. That, my friends, was partly the universe telling me that BotW was not done and partly just dumb luck. In short I am back to Back outta the World again. Hey, don’t say your sorry. I have enjoyed this pass even more. Which means the rest of this post resonates even more. Read on….End Disclaimer

In short, I love it. There are passages in the novel that I enjoy tremendously. In reviewing, revising and enhancing those passages, I believe that I am making Back outta the World a better experience, a better product if you will, for all future readers.

For example, I must have been temporarily visited by genius when I revised the section where Jay and his friend Kyle visit a casino in the UP. Here, I compare the green velvet covering the poker and pool tables they are visiting that night to the green of the grass of the yards that Jay and Kyle played on as kids. Kyle is Jay’s security blanket. Jay is riddled with doubts about the purpose of the current road trip and the future he sees beyond that. Even if Kyle is not a wonderful person, Jay finds comfort and reassurance in his presence. Kyle’s presence doesn’t help in this part of the novel though, as the old friends are about to get tossed out of the casino.

Poker Table - Texas Holdem Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free) 9983510  | Shutterstock

Botw ExcerptThis fake green table was just another yard to play on.  Just like the pool table. Jay was free to play here too. His own game though, not controlled by the clicking chips.   He had left his world and traveled good ways to meet up with his oldest friend and they were now together at a casino in the Upper Peninsula. Not that this casino even mattered.  The forms had all of Jay’s chips but they had been here before him and would be here after Kyle and he left.  Jay and Kyle had their friendship and the lasting historic strength that it gave them both.  The dealing continued. Jay and Kyle made more jokes among themselves. One wordless form got up from the table. Jay no longer wanted a seat at this table. Jay and Kyle didn’t need plastic, clicking chips telling them how to have fun. Their secret, shared history was revealed to the other forms by way of their jokes and loud laughter.  This was now their yard, their green playground. The players of the other game in their yard became less important. They had no idea how to play the new game in Jay and Kyle’s yard. They didn’t get the point. Now was a moment in the history of the two’s friendship and who cares if it were in front of a table or even an entire casino full of wordless strangers?  Kyle and Jay weren’t here to break any of their rules, just to play by their own, as far as Jay could reason.  These forms were taking the plastic, clinking chips too seriously, or just doing what they were told by them. Either way, Jay and Kyle were laughing and playing a fun game.  So, when two very large and very silent  uniformed men arrived and stood between Jay  and Kyle, they knew what to do. Their game was over. Time to go home for dinner.  This time, Jay was a couple steps ahead of Kyle, as they turned away from the green table and left the other players to return to their own game.

As I said, I now really like that bit in the book as revised. And even more a year on as revised again. The problem is that, as of this morning, there is no way of knowing if I improved that passage in Back outta the World one little bit. The attainment of external validation for a novelist is a slow process. A good thing I have two coffee makers to get me through. After I finish this post and cup of coffee, I am going to spend an hour or so working on the next part of Back outta the World. I placed the quote below in this post because I believe it applies directly to working on a novel. One has to work the soil everyday, as a peasant would. It doesn’t matter a hell of a lot what I think about what I did yesterday,or last year. If I don’t work the earth today, no one one eats tomorrow. A bit dramatic I know, but you get the point.

There is a peasant in every novelist“-Fitzgerald

“May I help who’s next?”

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is cropped-capture_3-e1589190785304.png

“I’m sittin’ in first class and they can all kiss my ass, ‘cuase I’m goin’ back baby, back outta world.”

 

      In Tripio, the protagonist Jay is writing his first novel. It is a road book. One of Jay’s literary heroes in Tripio is Jack “That’s not writing, that’s typing” Kerouac. It is in character for Jay to have attempted his first novel based on the two month road trip he had taken as part of his aimless post college graduation life. Tripio starts with Jay nearing the end of writing the novel. He is not exactly struggling with the ending of it. After all, it is finite. The book will end with end of the journal he kept for its duration. Jay is confronted more by the fact that he is afraid he doesn’t even know what the book he has almost finished writing, has worked hard on, is even about.

   In real life, that was also true. Today, I describe “Back Outta the World” as a road trip in which the main character’s mind and body are on two different trips and meet at the end. I only came to that conclusion as I reworked Back outta the World (BotW) prior to starting Tripio. I arrived at that conclusion approximately 20 years after I finished physically writing BotW. You will have to buy and read Tripio to find that section describing how I felt upon finishing BotW . I will tell you that it is one of the few parts of Tripio that remains word for word in the novel, as it was recorded in my journal on that day in my Chicago apartment over twenty years ago.

         If I am promoting and publishing Tripio as a Starbucks novel, reflecting on it daily now as the story of my early adult life, then I am writing about my writing twice over. In other words there could be no Tripio without BotW. Yet, In Tripio, I was hesitant at first to even give Back outta the World a name. Early in the writing of Tripio, I referred to BotW as “my writing” or “the novel”. Then, as I began to feel confident and came to see possibility of completing, publishing and marketing of Tripio, I made it a point to name “the novel” embedded in Tripio. In fact, I had too. In order for Tripio to “work” (you be the judge), BotW had to be a powerful, named presence in Jay’s mind. It had to be identified so that it could carry it’s third of the book.

I found it!

Speaking of Jay’s mind, I did find out what Back outta the World is about. It is not recorded in however, in Tripio. Or, as I like to put it, Back outta the World told me what it was about. It is in the above entry from my journal, or Sketchbook of the Mind, or Sotm, from 2016. I frantically recorded the moment on the page pictured above. Btw, my handwriting always looks like that, frantic or not. I remember standing over the entry and thinking that it was so incredibly obvious that when I was writing Botw that I was chasing my own “monkey mind”. That as a young man in those days I had no idea. I felt that events came at me. I felt I was watching things happen to me instead of making them happen myself. I did not know it consciously then, but it showed up in the pages of BotW. And, it sure did feel good to realize I could and did catch my monkey mind. As to the Red Apron recipe, I believe this moment help me understand to try not “write” your novel so much as “find” it. I hope for your sake it doesn’t take 20 years. Your interpretation of this recipe will take all shapes and forms for your work. But, believe me, it is always there. Write honestly with inward attention and intention and it, the novel, the meaning, is always there, waiting. To put it another way, don’t write “to” finish your novel ( they are never really finished anyway) or to sell it. Rather, write it and then let it do the work for you. It will take rewriting and rewriting and hopefully not two decades but what comes out may surprise you and will be well worth it.

  As for the marketing the books as companions, that remains to be happen. Tripio has to find it’s market first. As I update this repost nine months later and two years after Tripio’s publication, Tripio has yet to do so. Either way, I will find a path to publishing BotW later next year. Botw helped Tripio come into existence in the first place, so it seems fitting the Tripio is out there trying to help BotW find its way into the world.

Don’t try to write your novel, find your novel


“May I help who’s next?”

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is cropped-capture_3-e1589190785304.png

 


“I’m sittin’ in first class and they can all kiss my ass, ‘cuase I’m goin’ back baby, back outta the world.”

      In Tripio, the protagonist Jay is writing his first novel. It is a road book. One of Jay’s literary heroes in Tripio is Jack “That’s not writing, that’s typingKerouac. It is in character for Jay to have attempted his first novel based on the two month road trip he had taken as part of his aimless post college graduation life. Tripio starts with Jay nearing the end of writing the novel. He is not exactly struggling with the ending of it. After all, it is finite. The book will end with end of the journal he kept for its duration. Jay is confronted more by the fact that he is afraid he doesn’t even know what the book he has almost finished writing, has worked hard on, is even about.

   In real life, that was also true. Today, I describe “Back Outta the World” as a road trip in which the main character’s mind and body are on two different trips and meet at the end. I only came to that conclusion as I reworked Back outta the World (BotW) prior to starting Tripio. I arrived at this conclusion approximately 20 years after I finished physically writing BotW. You will have to buy and read Tripio to find that section describing how I felt upon finishing BotW . I will tell you that it is one of the few parts of Tripio that remains word for word in the novel, as it was recorded in my journal on that day in my Chicago apartment over twenty years ago.

         If I am promoting and publishing Tripio as a Starbucks novel, reflecting on it daily now as the story of my early adult life, then I am writing about my writing twice over. In other words there could be no Tripio without BotW. Yet, In Tripio, I was hesitant at first to even give Back outta the World a name. Early in the writing of Tripio, I referred to BotW as “my writing” or “the novel”. Then, as I began to feel confident and came to see possibility of completing, publishing and marketing of Tripio, I made it a point to name “the novel” embedded in Tripio. In fact, I had too. In order for Tripio to “work” (you be the judge), BotW had to be a powerful, named presence in Jay’s mind. It had to be identified so that it could carry it’s third of the book.

I found it!

The Day I found my novel

Most importantly and to the point of this post, I did find out what Back outta the World is about. It is not recorded in however, in Tripio. It is in the above entry from my journal, or Sketchbook of the Mind, or Sotm, from 2016. I frantically recorded the moment on the page pictured above. I remember standing over the entry and thinking that it was so incredibly obvious that when I was writing Botw that I was chasing my own “monkey mind“. As a young man in those days that became Back outta the World, I had no idea. I felt that events came at me. I felt I was watching things happen to me instead of making them happen myself. I did not know it consciously then, but it showed up in the pages of BotW.

To conclude, it did feel good to realize I could and did find my monkey mind. As to the Red Apron recipe, I believe this moment helped me understand that it is best, for me for me at least, not to “write” your novel so much as “find” it. I hope for your sake it doesn’t take 20 years. Your interpretation of this recipe will take all shapes and forms for your work. But, believe me, it is always there. Write honestly with inward attention and intention and it, the novel, the meaning, is always there, waiting. I do think a lapse of time between rewrites helps. I am not recommending waiting two decades. A middle path will appear for you and your work. To put it another way, don’t write to finish your novel ( they are never really finished anyway) to sell it. Rather, write it and then let it do the work for you. It will take rewriting and rewriting and hopefully not two decades but what comes out may surprise you and will be well worth it.

 

Don’t try to write your novel, find your novel


“May I help who’s next?”

Starbucks Logo: Evolution of coffee brand |

Have you looked into getting it to a publisher?’

“Tripio. The book?’ I responded. Howard appeared to be not overly concerned with my book sales. ‘Oh, yea early on. But I found the process to be too much like looking for a job. Like sending out countless resumes…and crossing your fingers. I have had enough of that in my life.”

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 41+mF2MQiXL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

I paused a second to consider that response. I did send some queries out to literary agents early on. I reasoned that someone who received my query would like have a cup of Starbucks on their desk, just returned from Starbucks, or had stock in the company. I told myself over and over that Starbucks still moves the meter. But the random nature and “pick- me, pick-me” element of it all brought back too many memories of lay offs, restructuring and downsizing. There were too many scars, too many similarities. Direct publishing put everything in my hands. I didn’t know what I was doing but it felt way, way better. I did not want to get into my financial status with Howard. Pay check to paycheck would sum it up. Year after year. Tripio was right though. I did find my calling in becoming a dad. A windowed one for eight years. Now, I was sitting across the table from a millionaire who was in the coffee business with me a long time ago. It struck me suddenly that I should have called him in 1994 when I was considering leaving Starbucks. I was Lead Clerk at the store at the Metra station. I had a headache for two weeks as I decided what to do. Sitting here now, as a man changed so much by what happened in the four years I worked for Howard Behar and Starbucks, I know if I called him, he would have listened to me. Maybe he would have given me more wisdom. I mean, he is asking about my life now and he has no reason to. It would have been so easy. Instead, as the silence between us grew, I asked a question anybody with a blog and who had ever been to a Starbucks could have asked,

What do you drink when you come here?”

A tall american with an extra shot. You?”

Why You Shouldn't Air Your Dirty Laundry on the Internet – Daily Plate of  Crazy

‘Oh, I like to stay with a grande, or whatever they call it these days. Coffee of the day.” My mind was still too close to the money, the times of unemployment, my financial dirty laundry. If my old boss asked about it, I’d have to tell him. I didn’t want to, so I stayed with coffee. “Speaking of coffee…what did you used to say? We’re not in the coffee business-“

We’re in the people business serving coffee, not the coffee business serving people.” Howard smiled as he finished. He seemed to enjoy taking that trip back to his Starbucks days. He glanced again to the street. This time he saw what he was looking for. ‘There’s my wife with the dogs. She doesn’t like to bring them around on her walks. Too many people ask about them. She wants to get her steps in.” It was friendly and matter of fact, but Howard had to go.

Ok. I’ve got to get to work.” I said, knowing it was also matter of fact.

He and I stood up, both looking to make sure the table was clear of any debris. Had to be clear for the next customer.

Well, thanks for your time. And thanks again for the blurb. I’m redoing the cover to highlight it.”

Sure.”

If I run across any alumni from Chicago I’ll let you know.” I said as a send off. I had only really looked for Kevin Knox and Howard Behar. I did not look for any of the people I worked the most with and based the characters on. Mark, Doug, Sarah. The list goes on. I have had the passing fancy of tracking down all 500 or so recipients of that first IPO in 1992. I would write a quick page or two about each. What become of them all? Who, like Howard was rich and who like Kevin Knox and I were not. I was not sure why I offered that to Howard. But he seemed to appreciate it and smiled at me, adding,

‘I’d like that. Good to talk with you. Best of luck on the book ” Howard waved to his wife across the street. He looked back to me, “And especially with the family, Jerry…. You sound happy.”

Thanks, Howard. I am.

“May I help who’s next?”

Starbucks Logo: Evolution of coffee brand |

Have you looked into getting it to a publisher?’

“Tripio. The book?’ I responded. Howard appeared to be not overly concerned with my book sales. ‘Oh, yea early on. But I found the process to be too much like looking for a job. Like sending out countless resumes…and crossing your fingers. I have had enough of that in my life.”

I paused a second to consider that response. I did send some queries out to literary agents early on. I reasoned that someone who received my query would like have a cup of Starbucks on their desk, just returned from Starbucks, or had stock in the company. I told myself over and over that Starbucks still moves the meter. But the random nature and “pick- me, pick-me” element of it all brought back too many memories of lay offs, restructuring and downsizing. There were too many scars, too many similarities. Direct publishing put everything in my hands. I didn’t know what I was doing but it felt way, way better. I did not want to get into my financial status with Howard. Pay check to paycheck would sum it up. Year after year. Tripio was right though. I did find my calling in becoming a dad. A windowed one for eight years. Now, I was sitting across the table from a millionaire who was in the coffee business with me a long time ago. It struck me suddenly that I should have called him in 1994 when I was considering leaving Starbucks. I was Lead Clerk at the store at the Metra station. I had a headache for two weeks as I decided what to do. Sitting here now, as a man changed so much by what happened in the four years I worked for Howard Behar and Starbucks, I know if I called him, he would have listened to me. Maybe he would have given me more wisdom. I mean, he is asking about my life now and he has no reason to. It would have been so easy. Instead, as the silence between us grew, I asked a question anybody with a blog and who had ever been to a Starbucks could have asked,

What do you drink when you come here?”

A tall american with an extra shot. You?”

Why You Shouldn't Air Your Dirty Laundry on the Internet – Daily Plate of  Crazy

‘Oh, I like to stay with a grande, or whatever they call it these days. Coffee of the day.” My mind was still too close to the money, the times of unemployment, my financial dirty laundry. If my old boss asked about it, I’d have to tell him. I didn’t want to, so I stayed with coffee. “Speaking of coffee…what did you used to say? We’re not in the coffee business-“

We’re in the people business serving coffee, not the coffee business serving people.” Howard smiled as he finished. He seemed to enjoy taking that trip back to his Starbucks days. He glanced again to the street. This time he saw what he was looking for. ‘There’s my wife with the dogs. She doesn’t like to bring them around on her walks. Too many people ask about them. She wants to get her steps in.” It was friendly and matter of fact, but Howard had to go.

Ok. I’ve got to get to work.” I said, knowing it was also matter of fact.

He and I stood up, both looking to make sure the table was clear of any debris. Had to be clear for the next customer.

Well, thanks for your time. And thanks again for the blurb. I’m redoing the cover to highlight it.”

Sure.”

If I run across any alumni from Chicago I’ll let you know.” I said as a send off. I had only really looked for Kevin Knox and Howard Behar. I did not look for any of the people I worked the most with and based the characters on. Mark, Doug, Sarah. The list goes on. I have had the passing fancy of tracking down all 500 or so recipients of that first IPO in 1992. I would write a quick page or two about each. What become of them all? Who, like Howard was rich and who like Kevin Knox and I were not. I was not sure why I offered that to Howard. But he seemed to appreciate it and smiled at me adding,

‘I’d like that. Good to talk with you. Best of luck on the book ” Howard waved to his wife across the street. He looked back to me to add “And especially with the family, Jerry…. You sound happy.”

Thanks, Howard. I am.

“May I help who’s next?”

Starbucks Logo: Evolution of coffee brand |

Question for Kevin- In Tripio, Jay leaves Starbucks for a future as a father. It is hinted that he will find happiness there… Do you regret leaving Starbucks in some way? Do you think money can bring happiness?

Answer- I think I’ve already answered with some of my regrets. It would have been a lot better for me and for my family if I had stayed, and in retrospect better for Starbucks too because I was truly the coffee conscience and would have been able to at least greatly slow the rate of descent into marketing-driven mediocrity.

Money may not buy happiness but poverty is certainly miserable. A happy medium would have been nice. I live in a 55+ mobile home park on around $2000 a month now, while Schultz and Olsen probably need a spreadsheet to keep track of the contents of their wine cellars in Tuscany. And of course I still did better than you and countless others who worked unbelievably hard to build Starbucks in those early years Jerry. Marriages were ruined, health trashed. I knew people in the store architecture department who didn’t take a single day off for a year.

Tuscan Wine Cellar - Creative Design Construction

Tripio Expert- We have to try to save to buy our own house. A house to raise the family. I can’t help it, it fills my mind. Only because it would have so easy…if…

Maybe that is why I don’t keep a SotM now. I would fill it with ifs. If only I had stayed at the Cosmodemonic*. If only I could have found the missing money. Instead, DM Kyle let me step down, resign from being Manager at 308. Looking back, he seemed relieved. I think he knew my heart wasn’t in it. He let me step down and my Cosmodemonic career slowly ended at the Dearborn and Division store 236. I worked with Candace’s brother who coincidentally had also stepped down from just being a Lead at Armitage. So, it was as close as DM Kyle could get me to Kati and the baby under the circumstances. The end result was that it gave me more time to plan the move and find try to find a job.

When I take a break at Mega Books, I sometimes head to the newspapers and periodicals. I still look at a Barron’s or IBD and check on the Cosmodemonic stock. The last time I did, it had just split. If I had held on to it, I could pick and choose any house around here to make a down payment on. With a yard as big as the one little park we had in our Lakeview neighborhood. If. If. If. See, I knew it.

*In Tripio, I call Starbucks the Cosmodemonic Coffee Company

Sounds like it would make a great novel

May I help who’s next?

HOWARD BEHAR AND I ‘TALK’ AT A STARBUCKS

Starbucks Logo: Evolution of coffee brand |

You know the store where Tripio takes place is gone now?” I asked Howard next. I had no idea why.

Oak Park?” He looked back from the street to meet my eyes.

No. The one on the corner of Diversey, Clark and Broadway. Dickens is stll there, though.’

I thought you lived in Indy

“I did, I mean. Still do. My youngest son just started college. Well, on Zoom in his room. My oldest two sons both graduated from Purdue. I call them the Fantastic Four.”

‘Four?’

“Yeah. I have a daughter. She and I went to Chicago to research Tripio. Plus, I took her to Chicago as a present before she went off to college. And just to see if what I remembered was right. I could talk about the Fantastic Four for days. Anyway, Diversey was closed. The whole building is different now.”

Diversey and Dickens. Yea. Both had the the espresso bar as theater. You know, there were 28 stores when I moved there. Looked up a few years later and there were 300. The pace, the growth did cost us some really good people. That’s one thing I would say I regret.”

Tripio excerpt- It’s been just over 3 years of my life spent here. All of it gainfully employed by the *Cosmodemonic. Every day I go in something big could happen: stock split, a new market, a headline in Barron’s about some agreement we’ve made to buy a competitor. In fact, we are soon going to have cafes going up inside Mega sized bookstores. And I am one of the quickly shrinking percentage of people who got the first stock grant. There won’t be a second one. No second chance to spill apple cider on my khakis as a toast to the event. I have taken to telling customers that you will never see a Cosmodemonic at a rest stop along the highway or in a strip mall. Now, I can’t be sure of anything. People I started with those 3 years ago are scarce now. The coffee god is long gone. So is Candace. Mark. Lost track of Doug. Kati may be next.

* In Tripio I call Starbucks the Cosmodemonic Coffee Company

From cars passing on the street out front and even to the people walking by, Howard and I were just two guys talking at a Starbucks. A scene so commonplace that no one would even notice. One had so much to do with making it commonplace on the grand scale and one by steaming milk in the trenches. Howard talked evenly, without embellishment of those days, making no claims of greatness for himself. He was talking about his Starbucks days like he had left those days well behind him. I didn’t ask when and why he left Starbucks. I was enjoying the old memories as well. The stores had a certain scent when you first opened them in the early morning. The first thing you did was start to brew the coffee of the day into huge canisters. They were breaking down doors to get in back in those days. If the open didn’t go well, if your location was behind when you opened the doors, it was like Helm’s Deep. As the huge urns brewed they produced different noises at different parts of the process which one could here throughout the now empty store. As an opener with a key, I knew that if I had certain things done by the time the first urns were full and fell silent, then I would be ready to open the doors. I wondered there and then what Howard’s private, seldom recalled memories were. Not the ones in other interviews and books. I did like the chicken soup one from earlier. I wondered more really, how they made him feel, or what actions they produced. His memories were his and mine mine. He left Starbucks and so did I.

As Tripio brilliantly tells, I could have stayed and been a yacht buying millionaire like my coffee drinking,and one time colleague across from me – If I stayed for just 20 more years. Life took me in other directions. It had other plans for me and they did materialize. But, I never left Starbucks truly behind until I wrote Tripio. I am sure I partly wrote Tripio as a cathartic exercise, in order to release, at last, the question of “Why didn’t I stay?“. All this recollection only took a second or two and I was about to ask Howard when and why he left Starbucks but he beat me to it with a question of his own.

So how many copies of the book have you sold?”

121.” I responded quickly like I knew. I really had no idea. I had lapsed into “my boss asked me a questions so I better have an answer” mode. Maybe I hadn’t left Starbucks completely behind me after all.

I do know that that Tripio was 117,422 on Amazon in October.